Understanding relationships is hard! Two people together, emotionally entwined trying to navigate adulthood side by side, is confusing. It becomes more difficult if there is a lack of understanding between these two people.
The idea of understanding each other in a relationship seems simple enough at first glance, but doing it well can be difficult. I often hear clients complain about not feeling understood or having trouble understanding their partner. So how do you develop an understanding relationship between two people? How to better understand the other? What does understanding and relationship really look like?
Read on to learn how to be more understanding in relationships and how to make people understand you, too.
What does it mean to be enlightened?
The concept of reaching social understanding is common but confusing. Being socially conscious does not mean that you are good, likable, or that you have to accept the other person’s comments or feelings. You don’t have to “understand” or “feel” to accept and understand. By understanding relationships, you can empathize with the other person, allow them to think and feel the way they do, and respect them that what they are going through is about them, not you.
Why is understanding important in relationships?
You may be thinking “why is it important to understand each other”? If we care about each other, have fun, and have fun, why do we have to work so hard to have an understanding relationship? The importance of understanding and communication goes beyond the surface and is the key to developing many other important aspects of a great relationship.
Two reasons why understanding is important in a relationship are connection and trust. When a partner seems to us to show love and understanding, they feel the feeling of seeing and hearing. These are two of the most common things that I hear from my clients that they want to be more intimate and connected with their significant others.
How to improve understanding of relationships:
1. Ask for what you want
If you feel misunderstood in your relationship, it’s up to you to get what you want. A good place to start is to say to your partner, “What I want from you understands.”
But don’t stop there.
Explain what you mean by “understanding” and how you think understanding behavior can help your partner give you what you want. Your partner may have a different idea of what it means and seem to understand, so by sharing what you’re looking for, you can ensure that you get what you want, and your partner that he will not think of. Win, win!
2. Listen with curiosity instead of judgment and don’t worry
When we disagree or feel attacked, we defend and judge what our partner is sharing with us. It can lead us to fight, to misunderstand our partner and ultimately reject our relationship and intimacy. This explains why understanding is important in relationships!
If we have an understanding relationship, we don’t jump to conclusions so often that we can be more curious about what our partner is sharing instead of being defensive.
Try to listen to your partner as if they are telling you a story about someone else (even if it’s you). Find out how he feels here, why he thinks the way he does, and how he feels about her. Try to focus on them and their story instead of what you are saying.
Ask tough, probing questions to encourage your partner to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences so you can deepen your understanding of them. Resist your urge to retaliate or retaliate. You won’t listen to understand if you’re thinking about what to say next!
3. Be empathetic
Empathy is an important skill and is the key to understanding in relationships.
Empathy allows us to go back to what someone is saying, to think about how or why they might feel that way without feeling that feeling ourselves. For example, if your partner says they feel judged by what you say, but you don’t mean to judge them, empathy can help you understand where they are coming from, even if you don’t agree. (You don’t have to agree to empathize.)
Try to step back and understand the concept of feeling guilty. It doesn’t feel good to be judged, does it? Especially from a partner.
By referring to their experiences rather than their reasons for going there, you can better understand and support your partner.
4. Learn to listen more than what is said
The words we speak are only part of our overall communication. Many times in communication we get so lost in the words that we forget to look at the person speaking those words.
Communication goes beyond the sentences your partner says out loud. Try to pay attention to the different parts of your partner as they share with you.
What is their accent? Do they speak quickly or slowly? How do they stand? Looking at you or looking down? Are they restless, breathing fast, or stuttering? These clues can help you understand the person’s experience better than the words they use.
Words allow us to understand relationships.
5. Try to understand before trying to understand
When communicating with a partner, we often try to get our point across, to make sure we are heard and understood. Everyone’s job is really to stand up for themselves and share their thoughts and feelings. Understanding in a relationship is a two-way street, and both partners need to be heard. None of you can listen if you are too busy talking and focusing on yourself.
If you are trying to improve understanding in your relationship, see if you can put your partner first and gain understanding before giving your side. By having the opportunity for each partner to be fully understood, you are laying the foundation for a deeper connection and trust.
If you still feel isolated or frustrated with your understanding of a relationship or partner, you may consider enrolling in online matrimonial programs such as this or seeing a therapist or social teacher.
